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II: Mindful

by The Grandfather

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1.
Mindful 03:12
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I've been twisted, I've been mangled, I've been suffocating. I've been living in the darkest side of my mind. I'm suffocating! I'm a figure of nothing, I'm just suffocating. I'm just a shadow disguised as flesh and bones, as your thorns tear my flesh back. I've been living in death, I've been living in filth. When will I see, when will i see the light in me, the light, the light! I must deserve to live in this agony, I'm desperate, I'm desperate for something that's out of my reach. I'm desperate, I'm desperate for something! Is love too much to ask for? Is it, is it? Is hope even worth finding? Is it, is it? I've been twisted, I've been mangled all the same and I'm the only one to blame, I'm the only one to blame. I've heard of a God, I've heard of a king who brings love, who brings life. i just hope I'm not too far to see a light. I just hope I'm not too far to see the light! I need a different perspective, I need change. I need a different perspective, I need change.
2.
Hoover 03:57
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I won't lay in my destruction, I will find a new foundation. I won't lay in my filth, I won't remain in hell. I won't lay in my destruction, I will find a new foundation. I won't lay, I will find! I will find my purpose! What does it all mean? I want to change so badly but this darkness keeps on growing. I am trying, I am trying! I need a foundation (I'm trying) to keep on going (to change). I need a purpose to keep on living. I am trying, I am trying! I need something real, I need something real! I won't give up on my life, I won't! What does it all mean? I want to change so badly! I don't want to live in filth, can you show me something real? Just show me something real! I won't lay in my destruction, I will find a new foundation. I won't lay in the destruction that I've made, I will find a new foundation for my life! We will find what we are looking for within ourselves. We will find everything we need to believe. We will seek the truth until the end of our days, until we're all called by name!
3.
Dillinger 04:14
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I'm feeling my bones collapse, I'm thirsty for something. Every time I take a stand, I keep getting pulled back! The past knows how much I enjoy its company. Now my thoughts chase me. Leave me alone, leave me alone! I cant, I can't keep crawling! Leave me alone, leave me alone! I can't, I can't keep running! It's so hard to stand, when you feel you're not worth a damn thing. Someone, something keep me, keep me from dying. Oh God if you're real will you show me something? Just show me, just show me! Keep me from dying, keep me from crawling! There's too many faces, too many fears that follow me, that haunt me. Leave me alone, leave me alone! I can't, I can't keep crawling! Leave me alone, leave me alone! I can't, I can't keep running! I can't keep this up, I can't keep this up. Someone, something keep me, keep me from dying. Oh God if you're real will you show me something? Why can't you just speak to me? This feels so empty. It's like talking to air: no voice, no feelings. Are you there? Are you there? Are you? Are you there? Are you? Leave me alone, Leave me alone! I cant, I can't keep crawling. These memories they haunt me, they keep me from moving on! Oh God please save me from myself. I can't hold on. Save me from myself. I can't hold on. Can't...hold...
4.
Monroe 03:54
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My thoughts are turning on me, I can't think clearly. What's wrong with me? I am hesitating with each word that's spoken, my thoughts are my prison. We will sleep in our minds, till the day we can open our eyes. What's wrong with me? What wants me dead, what wants me gone? Me! What's wrong with me? Our thoughts are a prison. If there's no cure, then we'll just keep drinking the poison. We'll just keep drinking and drinking! Separating voices from things that I have spoken. You've had your chance to manifest your lies. Incase you haven't noticed my mind is full of caverns of mysteries undefined. Too many thoughts, too many twists and turns. I need a cure! Too many thoughts, too many twists and turns. I need a cure! Around and around again, contemplating my sanity. Around and around, around and around! What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Is there a cure for us? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Is there a cure? Around and around again, stuck in my head. Around and around, I am my own prison! I (you) am (are) my own death. I (you) am (are) my own sickness. What wants me dead, what wants me gone? Me! What's wrong with me? What wants me dead, what wants me gone? Me! What's wrong with me? We are asleep, till the day we can open our eyes. We can! I need this to stop, I need this to change. I will battle my mind, until I feel sane! Come stay with us, come stay in death. I'll destroy you, every inch that you consume, get out of my head! I won't be a victim of death. We will suffocate your breath. Fill these lungs with life. We will take every part of everything you've ever loved. Get out of my head or you'll regret it! I will suffocate you. I will suffocate you!
5.
Kennedy 03:46
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I'll take the fight to my grave, till the evil turns to ash beneath me. There's no rest! Even when I sleep, I'm fighting to death. I will push through! My body is torn, my mind is worn. Searching and searching, seeking and seeking! I have to keep going, have to keep going! There's no rest. I must push though! Keep on going, keep on living. Take my hand, fight with me. We might be lost but it's okay to be. We'll never stop, stop searching and when we fall, we'll keep going. I can not stop! I've been tortured, mangled, and afraid. It's so hard to stay awake. I just want to dream all day. It's so hard to stay awake! Take my hand, fight with me. We might be lost but it's okay to be. We'll never stop, stop searching and when we fall we'll keep going. I'm so sick of this cycle: dreaming, fighting, living, dying! I'm so sick of this cycle: searching and searching. But are the answers worth knowing? Are they worth knowing? Is reality where I want to be? Is reality where i want to be? I'm just killing myself. I can't go back, till there's nothing else. I must push through! Keep on going, keep on living. Bring me out of these dark days because there's blood on my hands that wont wash away. This noose keeps calling me back to sleep. I'm on the verge of listening! Take my hand, fight with me. We might be lost but it's okay to be. We'll never stop, stop searching and when we fall, we'll keep going. I will not stop! My dreams are calling to me. I will fight the rage! I refuse to fall asleep! Please just speak through the noise because you give me a purpose.

about

We secluded ourselves in the backwoods of North Carolina for a year of our lives creating, writing, and fighting. This is a collection of the second 5 pieces that were birthed out of that heartache. We hope you enjoy hearing the journey, as much as we enjoyed taking it.

credits

released July 7, 2017

Recorded, mixed, and mastered at Doc Butters House Studio
Produced by Jason Doc Butters Cirnigliaro

Primary Engineer: Jason Doc Butters Cirnigliaro
Tracking Engineers: Jason Doc Butters Cirnigliaro, Jonluc Lowdermilk, Josh Smith
Production Engineers: Jason Doc Butters Cirnigliaro, Jonluc Lowdermilk

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The Grandfather Wake Forest, North Carolina

Over two years ago, the members of The Grandfather moved to the backwoods of North Carolina to write and play music. The process created much heartache, but their efforts were not in vain. The result: freedom. So enjoy the journey and join us in the celebration. ... more

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